Birthday Treats At School & Other Scofflaw Behavior

Yes, I was moaning about this last year.  It's that time again.

My child's elementary school does not allow anyone to bring a treat into the classroom to share with classmates.  If a child wishes to bring in a treat, the parents must bring it TO THE CAFETERIA and pass it out during the small window of time that is the lunch break!!  This means either bringing enough for about 100 children, or excluding about 75 children who are sitting there watching you pass out treats!!  These are 9 year olds and this is not prison.

I'm not really sure why this particular rule gives me such a case of the red-ass, but it really does--can you tell?  It makes me want to break the rule openly and hope that someone in authority tracks me down and confronts me about it.  If you know me then you know that this IS saying something.  I won't do it because I don't want to embarrass my son and I certainly don't want to create conflict with his teacher, or the administration.  So I'm venting a little. OK, I'm venting a lot.

So let's say a classroom is packed with 30 kids, and the stars all align so that every child is at school on his/her birthday. That's a birthday treat in each classroom, on average, once every 6 school days.  This needs to be banned?! REALLY??!!  I get that there have to be rules, so make the rules.  How about this:

1. The treat must be something that the child can fit in their backpack and carry to school easily.  No parents coming in to disrupt with an impromptu birthday party. Hence, treats would be small and easy to finish quickly.

2. The teacher decides when to pass out the treat and completely controls the time consumed in doing so.

3. Candy is permitted because teachers are passing out "reward candy" all day long, so don't give me some crap about carrot sticks.  You want to discuss childhood obesity? Eat a meal in the school cafeteria and talk to me about fat and calories. 

4. No singing, no streamers, no gifts.  Pass out the treat, let everyone SAY happy birthday to the child and move on.

There. Would that be so bad?? 

Here's my issue, just so you know I'm not a COMPLETE whack-job.  Every human being on the face of the earth needs positive reinforcement as often as possible.  For elementary-school-age children it's like food and water.  Their sense of self and view of the world around them is really being shaped during these years. We need to make a little extra effort to nurture when we can.  And on this, WE CAN.  So many other things been taken away.

Many of these kids don't live in a world where love and positive reinforcement are given freely. Kids today deal with lots of baggage.  For many of these kids a few minutes of being the star on their birthday may literally be the best day they have all year.  In our quest to suck every penny out of the shrinking budget and squeeze every second out of the school day, are we forgetting to be "people"?

So that's my rant--for now. I feel a little bit better.  Thx.

LW

Name Withheld To Protect The Red & Swollen

This is the email I got from my girlfriend yesterday morning.  It's not one of the forward of a forward of some stranger's story that may or may not be true.  This is my friend's VERY funny, very true story that happened last week.  (Thanks for letting me post this--you are such a great sport!)

"Well I went for a wax last Tuesday. Now it was not my first but let me start with I am not sure who was more traumatized -me or the lady that did the waxing.

So I get to the shop and am taken right in.  'What kind of wax?'

'A Brazilian.' I assure.

'OK, take off your pants and get up on the table.'

OK, she starts by placing a plastic bag under me so we don’t get wax on the table cover.  Makes perfect sense to me.  And we're off.

She starts and well I know what is going to happen and yes it hurts but after about 20 minutes I start to realize this is not going as well as it should.  She keeps saying I don’t know why but the hair is not coming out as she goes over the same spot over and over (Mother that hurts) very tuff and too long.  She steps to the door opens it a crack and hollers to one of the other ladies to bring her baby powder.  She pores powder on me and starts to rub it in to the now flaming red skin. I note that there is a ball of wax sitting square dab in the middle of the my pubes and its about the size of a large marble. Now I am left on the table.

At this point I look down and see a mirror. YES, a mirror and well I did not know what to think because what I saw was not identifiable as a part of my body that I could remember seeing at any point before. Swollen and covered in wax and powder it looked scary and I started to think this is not good, maybe I should try to get some of this off.  So I start to pull at the ball of wax and man that hurts.  The light from behind my eyes is mixed with the instantaneous tears.  Now I have wax on my fingers and I try to get it off on the side of the bag I am laying on as my fingers stick to the bag.  The door opens and here she comes, the poor woman, looking a bit worried-- a strait razor in her hand like you would clean a window off with and I am thinking Hell No you are not heading there with that as she starts to try and cut away the glob of wax and gets more powder and then a pair of small scissors as she works to cut through the wax her hands are now sticking to my skin and to the scissors and now they are stuck to the ball of wax. As she tries to get her hand free she says 'well let turn over and we will work on the other side and then come back to this.'

I am thinking that sounds like a good idea at the moment until I try to get up and realize the bag that she put under me is now stuck to my ass and thighs and even my sock (Yes I kept my socks on ) as she pulls and pulls to get the bag off of me. I can feel hair coming off, or is that skin?

So at this point she puts down a paper towel. So I lay forward on to the paper towel and she leaves the room one more time coming back with a fan. 'I am sorry you are hot.'

NO I am not hot but she is breaking a sweat and I don’t think she has worked this hard in a very long time.

So the process begins again and goes rather smooth until I swear she pours hot wax into my butt hole and I swear I did not think I had hair there. But I can tell you if I did I don’t anymore.  In fact at that point I think we put a new term to the meaning clean as a whistle!!!

Holy shit, no pun intended, and I am really rethinking that shaving thing.  Really its not that bad, is it?
So its time to turn back over and (YES you could see this coming couldn’t you). The paper towel is now stuck to the ball of wax and my inner thighs. As we start to work on this she pulls the paper up I realize that the wax has now made its way to my piercing and as she pulls the wax -paper and hair I also see things stretch to what looks like 4 inches from where they should be and decide I finally need to say something.

'OK I think I need to help you out' and to my surprise she gratefully says OK.

I tell her I think the skin is not pulled taut enough so I will stretch the skin and guess what out the hair comes with great pain and great relief.  At this point I have been on this table an hour and 40 minutes, have gone through a bed sheet of material strips, a pound or 2 of wax, a bottle of baby powder, and one pair of scissors. I have never been so happy to leave anywhere and I think she feels the same. With all body parts still intact, a bit swollen and red, I dress and head out the door. I can still feel spots of wax everywhere but I am free to head home and see what I need to do to finish this up.

I get in my car and am only able to laugh and think if only I had that on tape I could make millions on the Internet.  Even I would pay to see it again because I still don’t believe what just happened."

You're such a trooper, girlfriend!  Thanks for sharing!!

LW